............."PRAYER OF SAINT FRANCIS"......
LORD MAKE ME AN INSTRUMENT OF YOUR PEACE,
WHERE THERE IS HATRED, LET ME SOW LOVE;
WHERE THERE IS INJURY, PARDON;
WHERE THERE IS DOUBT, FAITH;
WHERE THERE IS DESPAIR, HOPE;
WHERE THERE IS DARKNESS, LIGHT;
WHERE THERE IS SADNESS, JOY;
O DIVINE MASTER, GRANT THAT I MIGHT NOT SO MUCH SEEK TO BE CONSOLED AS TO CONSOLE;
TO BE UNDERSTOOD, AS TO UNDERSTAND;
TO BE LOVED, AS TO LOVE;
FOR IT IS IN GIVING THAT WE RECEIVE;
IT IS IN PARDONING THAT WE ARE PARDONED;
AND IT IS IN DYING THAT WE ARE BORN TO ETERNAL LIFE;
...It's been a while since my last post and a lot of things have happened in that time, but I think that the biggest reason that I haven't been writing has been because I suffer from depression...
...It's not something that I want to readily admit when someone confronts me with...What's the matter with you??? How come this, or how come that?
...I think that maybe it's because I'm such an emotional person, and when I am emotionally hurt or attacked that my immediate response is to withdraw...
... "I am conflict adverse!"
...CONFLICT ADVERSE = To Hate and advoid conflict of any kind, at any cost...Withdraw rather than fight, to minimize the pain inflicted, or received.
...Now I do not say that, This is the right way to behave, but I also try to figure out, why I am the way that I am sometimes.
...Taking your own inventory, or self evaluation is a good & healthy exercise I believe...
...I believe, my latest case of withdrawal,... Is the result of a terrible disapointment that occurred, when I attempted to dialogue with My Pastor, A man that I greatly respect and admire by the way...
...I really thought that his level of spiritual maturity was such that I could approach him with some serious concerns that I had in regards to matters of ethics...Situational Ethics, to be specific that also gave rise to questions of integrity and credibility...
...I'll not go into specific details here... as I believe that would be inappropriate , The questions I raised, was meant to be between Him and I,
... even though I did present to him the option of sharing it with his spouse if he felt that she could handle it objectively???
...I did not think that she could... based on past experiences, but I think that maybe subconciously I was testing His ability to make objective decisions even when family members were involved in the discussion??? Especially since many of my concerns dealt with many of his family being at the center of my concerns???
...I should of known better!
...All of a sudden, I am the bad guy and I became the center of scrutiny rather than than an open and honest dialogue of the issues at hand!!!
...It has often time been my experience that when someone feels that they are under attack that a common tactic is to villify your opponent so that you redirect the debate and therefore you also can feel better about yourself and make yourself out to be a better person because your adversary is so vile...
...A very unfortunate but effective way to not have to deal with the conflict as it was originally intended to be addressed...
...The real sadness in these unfortunate and unforeseen set of present circumstances is that our true adversary...Who is like a roaring lion roaming up and down, to and fro within the Earth seeking those that he might devour...He is the real victor!
...God's Word says, " That a house divided against itself cannot stand!"
...It was never my intention to cause a division...I sincerely believed that I had the freedom with my Pastor to ask the questions, and get a well thought out prayerfully considered, honest answer???
...Alas, that was not to be...But rather, My Pastor's wife...true to form and past experience began to attack my character and cast me as the real culprit and villain, by bringing up completely irrelevant circumstances surrounding my earlier ministry in the life of our Church Characterizing me as a person of low moral character someone lacking credibility and untrustworthy, unreliable, etc.
...Another Young Pastor in our fellowship made me aware of this and his account was credible as opposed to being a matter of gossip as his recounting of the conversations he was made a part of included elements and events that he could not of been aware of unless someone was introducing poison into the discussion.
...The upshot of all this is...I, being a highly sensitive and emotional person that I am, made the choice to no longer further engage in what was going to become a fight and huge conflict...
...Better for me to withdraw and choose more profitable battles to expend my limited amount of energy on...I do not believe that any of my efforts would effect any meaningful change of the original circumstances, as those problems ... I believe, are systemic and well entrenched...
...And no matter, How evident and true my positions are, ...I will only come out the worse, and will truly appear to be the bad guy...
...Satan is the master at causing these kind of schisms in God's church, and this is one time I refuse to take the bait!
...All I can do at this point is to continue to pray and be hopefully an instrument of peace,
{SEE THE PRAYER OF SAINT FRANCIS OF ASSISI}
... by not allowing myself to be sucked into another unprofitable needless conflict amongst the people of God.
...Rather, I will choose to pray for, and support God's work, in that Precious Church,
as opportunities present themselves and as The Holy Spirit Leads, with no ill will or malice intended, until God so leads and directs my time talents and resources elsewhere...
TO GOD BE THE GLORY FOR GREAT THINGS HE HAS DONE!
BARUCH HASHEM ADONAI
BROTHER MICHAEL
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