"FORGIVENESS!"

"OUR FATHER, WHO ART IN HEAVEN...

...FORGIVE US OUR TRESPASSES AS WE FORGIVE THOSE THAT TRESPASS AGAINST US!"

Forgiveness is one of the great hallmarks of Christian Faith, It also is a much needed and desired virtue in the course of affairs in normal, sane everyday life.

It is the address where we find peace and make peace in our moments of greatest pain, rage, and disapointment.

We have set a course for destruction in our lives when we withhold it from others...
... and destroyed is our destination when we don't have forgiveness when we need it the most.

   "FAITHFUL ARE THE WOUNDS OF A FRIEND, BUT THE KISSES OF AN ENEMY ARE DECEITFUL!" {Proverbs 27:6}

I am not quite sure where I'm going with this, and I don't want to limit what I'm trying to communicate for the sake of remainig faithful to a theme or a concept...namely forgiveness.

Maybe this virtue of forgiveness, ...or my inspiration, train of thought I'm  attempting to follow, ...was simply a word from God...Whispered into the ear of my subconcious... to put a word to my need.

I'm really not sure though whether the strength of that need lies in my extending it to another, or it's something I'm in need of receiving...Maybe It's both?

I suppose what I'm really struggling with the most, is trying to discover or discern what is at the very root of my Depression?

I am far too familiar with what the symptoms are...But the why totally escapes me and is very confusing for those around me???

Nobody seems to get it?

I can't blame them though, cuz I dont get it either?

I've heard it said that depression is just as deadly and painful as a disease like cancer...I dont know about all of that, but I do know that I'm crippled by it!

To add to that pain...to cause insult to injury...Is the remarks and innuendos...the vibe if you will...

What the hell is wrong with you?    Are you just lazy?   Fifty years old and won't even attempt to go and get a job...You won't work???

Don't you know that those same thoughts and questions are bouncing around inside my head...screaming for an answer?...Demanding a reasonable response!

The only response that I can seem to muster though is that whatever it is, ...whyever?...however?...

TO PUT A WORD TO IT...OR A PHRASE, IS ...I AM IN INCREDIBLE PAIN, EXCRUCIATING PAIN...COMPLETELY, THOROULY,  EXHAUSTED BY IT!

Who do I need to forgive?

What is it that I need to seek forgiveness for?

I could really sit down here at this point and set down a huge grocery list of wrongs I've done...or injury that I have received...I could really throw a wang banger of a pity party...In fact I would like to!

But just like everything else in my life lately, I can't make a decision...I don't know what to do...or if I do act on it...will it do any good?   Will it help?

WILL IT CHANGE MY PRESENT REALITIES???

I DUNNO!

Let me think on it a bit...For now I'm just exhausted!!!